I am the Walrus

Husband told me today he wants Baby to be older so he can cuddle with her. I told him that her personality is already set and since she's not a cuddler now, she probably won't be later. Her little almost six month self likes to push us away and twists and turns her body so that she can see and experience everything around her. No way is she a cuddler; she's a mover.

Baby figured out rolling over both ways, and is now moving on to conquer crawling. It is the most adorable thing. She knows how to get her legs tucked up under her and can push up with her little arms so that she is in the crawling position. She will then move her knees forward, but hasn't quite figured out how her arms are supposed to work in the process. Thus, her little bottom half will inch forward and her front half will take a nosedive into the floor and her arms will flail out. Like a walrus moving around on land.

Facedown

Baby figured out how to roll over quite a while ago. She could roll from her back onto her stomach, going left. However, she would get stuck on her stomach and freak herself out. Husband and I would take turns rolling her over so she would go back to sleep.

Currently Baby is able to roll in all directions. She can go right, she can go left, and she can roll from her back to her stomach and vice versa. I know, she's talented.

Recently she has started rolling in her sleep. We put her down on her back and she will roll over at some point. She used to wake herself up, but now she will just roll over and put her face down in the blanket. Sometimes she will rest her head on the backs of her hands. It's really cute, but scary to walk in on. We always run to her and put a hand on her back to make sure she is breathing. So far all has been well.

We're not sure if we are okay with this or not. It's one thing for her to be on her stomach with her head turned to the side. Then we know her airway is not blocked. It's another thing for her face to be buried into the bed. The pediatrician had told us that we could let her sleep however she likes since she can roll herself over, but it still looks a little scary when we walk in and see her still form facedown. We keep debating over whether or not to turn her over. Tonight we decided to let her stay that way; however, Husband and I are both paranoid about it. I mean, when does the whole SIDS thing disappear anyway?

My Week in Review

Where did the week go? Oh yeah, it was spent at a work training that stole all my precious time. Now I am exhausted. Seriously. Forgive me if this post is a little disjointed, because that's how I feel. How am I ever going to manage going back to work full time is beyond me. I think I will turn into a zombie. Or a coffee addict. But that gets Baby a little wired and she doesn't sleep, so I'll stick with zombie.

Tuesday I dropped Baby off at daycare with M. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Baby is always happy in the mornings, so she didn't cry when I left. M texted me how she did after I dropped her off, which I love. Baby refused to eat while she was there (still working on that one), but at least she got a little nap before Husband picked her up at lunchtime so I could feed her.

Wednesday was easy because Baby hung out with Husband all day, then came to see me at lunch to eat. However, she still refuses to eat when I am gone. Wednesday I had Starbucks (decaf, of course) as a treat for making it halfway through the week. I must have crashed later, though, because I fell asleep right after putting Baby to bed.

Thursday I dropped Baby off with M again. M had picked up a swing to help Baby sleep a little better (I had told her previously she likes the swing). It worked like a charm. Instead of her normal twenty minute nap, she slept for an entire hour and a half. Gotta love the swing. Still no eating without me, and she started switching her days and nights. I read that it sometimes happens in stubborn breastfed babies. If they can't eat during the day, they wake up at night to get those extra calories that they need. Can we say sleepy mommy? Yeah, I was starting to really drag at this point in time and still am.

Friday was the hardest. Husband watched Baby and brought her to me at lunchtime. However, she did not want to let me go, and screamed when I put her back in her carseat to leave. She was not a happy camper. I was fighting back tears as I walked back in to work. I felt awful. That was the worst day.

Since Baby refused to eat during the time I was gone, she was ravenous when I would get home. She gulped as much down as she could, then wanted to be stuck to me (literally), until I put her to bed. I'm not sure if that was because she was hungry, or because she was afraid I would leave her, or a combination of the two.

During the training I was able to leave when I needed to go pump. It was great having my own little office with a sign on the door. I don't think anyone else at the training knew what I was doing unless I told them. I only disappeared twice a day- once in the morning and once in the afternoon. I became pretty efficient at pumping, and was pretty proud of myself.

It was hard to grab lunch then go meet Husband to feed Baby. I found myself running to be at the head of the lunch line (lunch was provided), eating as fast as I possibly could, then running down two flights of stairs to a hungry child. Usually I made it in time, but I hated having to cram my lunch down my throat. When I go back to work I'll attempt eating and pumping simultaneously.

This weekend I was able to get Baby back to a normal sleeping and eating routine for the most part. Next week I am off, so she should be fine. However, the week after that I go back to work and no one will be able to bring her out to me to eat. Hopefully she will figure out the bottle/sippy cup situation by then.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, Back to Work I Go

Today was my first day back to work in five months. OK, it wasn't really work, but it was an all day eight to four training, so it totally counts. Plus, I have to go back again tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. And the next. Etc. Until the end of this week. Then I get a week or so off until I really start up again.

Since it's a training, I wasn't too stressed out about it. Just wait until I start teaching again. (The dreams have already started! The other night I dreamed that I slept through the first two periods then had to rush in and the principal was really mad at me.) I may have gone a little list crazy, but in a good way. The first list I made was a list of what I needed to bring for the training, such as paper, pencils, etc.

Then I made a list of what I needed to bring in my "medical bag." I was going to be gone all day, so I had to bring a breastpump to express milk. I had to remember the cooler, the bottles, all the pieces to the pump, a towel to wipe up messes, and something of Baby's to help me along.

Next was a list I left for Husband. (He switched around his work schedule so he could stay home with Baby. She will be going to daycare tomorrow and Thursday.) Well, I left him a couple of lists. The first was a list of all the things he could do with her, such as read books, play on her playmat, take her for a walk, go outside and look at the flowers, play with bubbles, sit her in the Bumbo, play on the floor with her toys, sing to her, dance with her, etc.

The second was a list of her daily schedulings and what to do and when. For example, when she first wakes up in the morning she will hang out and play, and then is the best time to take a shower. If you pick her up and play with her before taking a shower, then try to put her back down, she will get upset. The list also said when to put her down for a nap (approximately), and when she eats, etc.

Maybe I should have named this blog the list blog.

Anyway, it wasn't too hard to leave Baby today because I didn't have to take her anywhere. She got to stay right where she was and Husband took care of her. He was even able to bring her to me during my lunch break so I could nurse her. (She was really excited to see me, but didn't want to eat too much. I'm not sure if it worked out too well, but at least she got a little something.)

While at the training I was able to pump twice, which worked out really well. I had contacted the lady in charge and told her I needed a lactation room. There were two of us who did, so she set us up in an office with lots of privacy and we just coordinated using the room. It was great. I'm a little worried about going back to my classroom, though. I'm going to have to triple check to make sure the door is locked, then barricade myself in a corner just in case. I'll figure it out when I go and set up shop in a couple of weeks.

Overall, Husband said Baby cried a lot and refused to eat (although she did take a couple of ounces from a sippy cup with a soft spout off and on). She also took really really short naps, totaling about an hour all day. He was able to distract her and took a few cute videos of her. He even managed to do a load of laundry. I was impressed.

Baby was very happy to see me when I got home and was extremely hungry. She ate and ate and then spit up a few times from eating so much. Next time I will have to pace her a little bit so she doesn't spit it all back up.

Tomorrow will be different because I am dropping her off at daycare in the morning. I'm currently putting together my list.

Vandalism

Today I taught my daughter to deface public property. It was all my fault, although the evidence is all hers. I'm generally a pretty good law abiding citizen. Mostly. Speed limits don't really count.

What did Baby do, you ask? Well, the city was doing some work on the pipes running under the street in front of my parent's house. They had to dig up the road and a piece of the sidewalk to get to the pipes. The past few days they have spent doing repairs, and today they put down the concrete to finish the sidewalk. Can you see where this is going? I mean, wet concrete.

Yup, Baby has her cute little footprints etched in the corner of the sidewalk to be immortalized forever. How cute is that?


Update a few hours later: The city came by and smoothed them out. I am so bummed. I didn't even get a picture!

Smart Baby

I had my car worked on today and of course had to take Baby along. I timed it so that she ate before we went out and was hoping she would be happy to wait with me in the lobby of the repair shop.

She did a great job waiting, especially since my sister came along with me to help entertain her, which made me very proud. She made a lot of noise, but as long as it isn't crying, it doesn't matter to me. I just hate it when she cries, especially if she is going to disturb people around her.

As I was paying, another lady came up to the counter. She asked if Baby was a boy or girl (I forgot to put her headband on today. But she was wearing white frilly sleeves on her onesie with orange and pink butterflies. I forgave the lady, though, because she was a little on the elderly side). I told her Baby was a girl.

The lady watched Baby look all around and try to grab the pen and paper off the counter while I pushed it out of her way. Then she told me she could tell Baby was smart because she was doing that. I could tell she meant it, too.

That made my day.

Nursing in Public

Sometimes I wish I was part of an African tribe where women walk around topless and men only wear loincloths. Or a nudist colony, where no one is ashamed to showcase what they have, but do their day to day business without thought to what they look like. Or just a society where women are not objectified for their assets, but body parts are respected for what God intended them to do. Where people aren't ashamed or embarrassed when babies are fed in public.

Unfortunately, I live in a society where breastfeeding in public is frowned upon by most. Granted, there are laws in many of the states that allow breastfeeding in public and you may completely disagree with what I am saying. However, despite legality, there is still a stigma attached to breastfeeding in public. It is still considered immodest by many people to feed a baby where others can see. One must cover a nursing child with a blanket and avert her eyes from those who stare. Women are resorted to feeding a baby in bathrooms so as not to receive accusing stares. Instead of being applauded for feeding a baby naturally, women are encouraged to use bottles and formula.

Now why is that?

What Happens to The Hungry Caterpillar?

Baby does not like to read. As an avid reader myself, I am rather disappointed. I thought all children liked to be read to (granted, I know she's only five months old and her attention span is that of a, well, five month old, but still). I'm a teacher, and I know how important reading is, but there doesn't seem to be any reasoning with Baby. My goal is to attempt at least one story a day; however, she often has other plans.

I'll pick a time when I am holding her on my lap (she really doesn't like to cuddle), and grab a book for us. We have a few of the hard board books which are really cool (especially with grabby fingers. Can we say hello ripped pages?). I'll open it up and start reading, trying to hold her attention.

At first, she'll try to grab the book, which is fine. Then I'll turn the page, and she'll start to get distracted by looking around. I try to focus her again, and sometimes she'll reach for the page again. I let her bang on it and try to point out things on the page.

Then she'll start twisting and turning, trying to reach for the chair, or the couch, or something off to the side. (Once she grabbed my water cup that was on the table next to us and spilled it all over the book.I guess she was done reading then). Eventually she will start to arch her back and make the little "uugggghhh" noises, meaning if I don't put the book away soon she will proceed to cry. I do not want my child having any trauma associated with being forced to read, so I sadly set the book aside for another time.

We never really do find out what happens to that hungry caterpillar. For all I know, he's still making his way through the five strawberries.

Rice Cereal

At our last appointment the doctor told us we could start Baby on rice or barley cereal. I picked some up from the store, but was waiting for Husband to be available so we could experience her first solid food together. A month later, we finally did it.

I mixed the cereal with breastmilk. The directions said for the very first time you are supposed to use 1 tablespoon of cereal to 4 tablespoons of breastmilk. I didn't really have that much milk on hand (I didn't measure in tablespoons. I had about two ounces. How many tablespoons do you think that is?), so I just used a little less cereal. Despite that, the cereal pretty much dissolved in the breastmilk and it was like really really runny soup. Didn't look too solid to me.

We sat Baby in the Bumbo (really gotta get a high chair one of these days), strapped a bib on her, grabbed the camera, and we were ready. I had picked out a cute, pink baby spoon just for the occasion. I spoonfed Baby while Husband clicked away on the camera.

She was interested in it at first and kept trying to grab the spoon from my hand. I would give her a spoonful and she would scrunch up her nose and make a face like, "This tastes weird." She kept letting me feed her more though. I think we got through maybe four or five spoonfuls when she got distracted by the table. She has this thing with tables lately where she tries to grab them and pick them up. I keep telling her that tables stay where they are, but she has to figure it out for herself. I kept trying to get her attention to eat, but she just wanted the table. Then she started to whine and that meant she was done.

We got a ton of pictures of her first "solid" food, and I'm excited to actually get to fruits and veggies one of these days. I'm wondering if her tummy will react differently to the cereal. Remember how sensitive she was in her first few weeks? I wonder if that will carry over to solids. Time will tell.

Bright Lights, Big City

We took Baby on a trip to the city. Last time we went it was to pick up Husband from the airport and we got stuck in four hours of traffic. Baby screamed for three hours of that. It was torture. This time we planned it during a better time.

We left during her morning nap, so she slept on the way there. We went to a museum that had some really cool exhibits (it's never too early to start. My Baby is going to be so cultured). It was so cute to see Baby wide-eyed, taking it all in. I held her up to a fish tank and she watched the fish swim back and forth. I told Husband now we need to get a fish. We can start with something easy, maybe just a beta or something.

We went through a rainforest exhibit that was really humid. I was concerned because I know Baby does not like humidity, but I think she was too distracted to notice. I was hoping a butterfly would land on her and I could get a really cute picture, but that didn't happen. Instead, Husband and I argued over whether the albino alligator was real. It looked like an old statue to me. But then it moved. I lost that bet. However, while we were arguing, and elderly worker came up and gave Baby a sticker of an alligator. I was thinking maybe I would scrapbook it. Then I remembered that I don't scrapbook (It took me three years to start my wedding album, then I got bored and gave it to a friend to finish), so I stuck it on her diaper bag instead.

I fed her when we ate lunch (I am now a pro. No blanket needed for me, thank you very much. However, I think Husband likes it better when I do use a blanket, but I think it draws more attention.). She got a little fussy, but was able to fall asleep in her stroller.

There was a long wait to get into the mammal exhibit, so we decided to skip that. Instead, we went outside and walked around the park. Husband carried her in the Baby Bjorn and she loved that. It was a little cold, so her cheeks and nose got rosy.

The drive home was ok. She slept for the first part, then cried the last fifteen minutes or so, which was fine. Overall it was a great trip to the city and I'm excited Baby got to go to her first museum when she wasn't even five months old.

First Fourth of July

This time last year I remember being super sick and trying not to throw up while munching on Saltines. This year was definitely much better.

Before we could celebrate, Baby needed a festive outfit. I know I said I wasn't buying her any clothes because we have so many, but this is a holiday outfit so it doesn't count. I had gone to Kohl's a few weeks ago and saw Fourth of July outfits for Baby on sale for five bucks apiece. That sounded like a steal to me. I didn't have time to browse during that visit, but figured I would come back later.

I went back two days before the Fourth of July to find the section obliterated. Gone were the rows of super cute summer dresses in festive red, white, and blue. No more "Baby's First Fourth" onesies. Instead I had to rummage through the clearance rack to see what was left. The worst part was that the holiday outfits I found were now eight dollars. Somebody needs to tell Kohl's that the clearance rack means the price is supposed to be lower.

I couldn't leave without getting an outfit, so I got a little red romper with a fireworks scattered across it and a matching bib that said, "Mommy's Little Sparkler." I liked the bib the best.

The day of Fourth of July itself went pretty well. We went to church in the morning where I helped out in the nursery and brought Baby in with me. She was the youngest as all the other babies were sitting, crawling, or pulling themselves up to almost walk. After working there, I came to realize how snotty and drooly and gross babies are! No offense to anyone, but ew. I used to babysit a ton when I was younger, but I must have forgotten that part or something. I placed Baby in the corner and tried to inconspicuously barricade her from the other babies. However, I still held them, then her, so I know germs were transmitted.

Is that what Baby is going to turn into? So far she has been really clean. She only spits up when sick or when she overeats, and she's just recently started drooling a little. We haven't had any snot issues. I did find out later that one of the babies had a cold, so I'm pretty sure now that Baby will get sick. She seems to pick things up pretty easily (and I thought breastfed babies were supposed to get sick less. Imagine if I didn't breastfeed).

The afternoon we spent at home relaxing. Husband worked on his car and Baby took a nap. I had planned to take a nap but ended up getting sucked into a really good book that I just had to finish to find out what happened. Ended up leaving me hanging (I now have to hunt down the next one in the series), and I missed my nap.

Around four we packed everything up and drove a couple towns over to the community park for the Fourth of July festivities. We met up with some friends and found our church's booth. Sometimes Baby gets overwhelmed by a lot of people, but she did really well strapped to her Daddy in the Baby Bjorn. I think it helped that people weren't trying to get in her face, but walking around doing their own thing.

Husband and I passed Baby back and forth for the next couple of hours. Husband went to work the booth and I hung out under a shade structure with Baby and visited with friends. Baby even took a tiny, tiny nap.

Around nine she started to get a little fussy (fireworks were scheduled for nine thirty). Usually we put her to bed between seven and eight, and we've been very strict on that, but since it was a holiday we decided to let her stay up.

Husband got up to find a restroom and Baby decided she was done for the day. She cried and cried and I tried to rock her and maker her comfortable, but she would have none of it. I used to be able to rock her to sleep, but she is too independent for that now, I suppose. She likes to fall asleep on her own in her bed or carseat. Right as Husband came back she quieted and got happy again. Go figure. However, I was done and didn't want a repeat episode, so we gathered our things and left. Baby conked out in the carseat as soon as we got in the car. Timing was great, too, because we left before there was any traffic and got to see fireworks on the drive home. Maybe next year she'll get to experience them. At least I got some cute pictures of her in her holiday outfit.

First (Half) Day at Day Care

As stated in a previous post, I have found a daycare provider that I like. I've been taking Baby over there for the past few weeks just an hour or so at a time. I stay with her and we hang out so she can get used to the place and M (our provider). It also gives me a chance to see the interaction between M and the other kids, as well as get a feel of the overall place. So far, so good.

This past week I had planned on leaving Baby there without me for about an hour. One step at a time toward when I go back to work in August. I would go and do some shopping or something. I hadn't figured it out yet. Maybe a pedicure.

Well, my plans were foiled.

I received a phone call from my old principal asking me to come clean out my room (I am switching schools for the upcoming year). Luckily, I had cleared out a lot before I went on maternity leave, so there wasn't a huge amount to deal with. I had tried to go in with Baby to pack a few more things, but that was unsuccessful (Have you ever tried to pack with a baby? Not a simple task). I figured that since I had planned to leave Baby with daycare this week anyway, I would just leave her for a more extended amount of time and I could go work (I suppose that is the point of daycare- to go to work and not play).

M was happy to watch her so I prepped for Baby's first day. I made sure she had a sippy cup with milk (mine of course), her lovey (a taggie blankie made by a friend of mine that she likes to cuddle with for naps), a bib, change of clothes, her sunbonnet, and diapers. I also threw in one of her blankets (made by same friend as lovey) that she normally sleeps on so that she would have something that smelled like home. Hopefully that would help.

I fed her at home before we left then packed her up. I don't remember driving her over there, but I know I tried to be calm when I was dropping her off. I think I was shaking just a little bit and trying to take deep breaths so Baby wouldn't freak out (they sense these things, you know). It was only for a couple of hours and I was seriously nervous. I was really hoping she wouldn't cry the whole time (remember the bachelorette party? Disaster).

We got there and M opened the door to greet us. I gave her all of Baby's items and explained what I had packed in the diaper bag. I passed Baby off to M (who surprisingly did not cry, just looked at me with her big blue eyes like, "What's going on?"). I told Baby I would be back and to be a big girl. Then I walked out the door and went off to work. I tried to play some happy music on the way to work to get my mind off the fact that I was childless.

I packed and cleaned as fast as I could and hopefully I didn't forget anything. M texted me a few times to give me updates on how Baby was doing, and even sent me pictures of her laughing and smiling! I love this lady. That made me feel so much better, to know that Baby wasn't crying her head off. So much better, in fact, that after I packed I went home and unpacked (I had planned to get Baby right after, but I had so much that it overflowed into her carseat so it wouldn't have been possible). Then I decided to eat lunch at home (I had forgotten to take a lunch break while at work and I need to keep up my energy to make milk), and even surfed the internet while eating. I was actually starting to enjoy having time to myself! I was really surprised at my feelings, but it was nice. I contemplated cleaning the kitchen, but decided it was time to go get Baby. I had told M four hours at the most, and it was getting to be about that time.

I didn't tell M when I was coming and was a little nervous about what would greet me when I walked in the door. In my head I was picturing her holding a screaming Baby who could not be consoled. I couldn't have been more wrong.

I walked in and M and Baby were playing on the floor. M had laid out a blanket for her and she was happily chewing away at her lovey. I let her play for a few more minutes while M told me about her day, then I picked Baby up and fed her. I have to admit I wasn't a little disappointed that she didn't react to me right away. Perhaps a smile was too much to ask for? At least I know she felt so comfortable she didn't want to move. That's comforting, right?

M said she cried for about twenty minutes and then took a twenty minute nap. She refused to eat any milk, even out of her sippy cup, but that wasn't a big deal because she hadn't gone for too long without eating. Only about four hours. I hadn't thought she would eat (she's been doing pretty well about using the sippy cup and sipping from a real cup, but that's more play to her and not for sustenance. When she gets really hungry she just wants me). M said she took her outside and distracted her whenever she started to get fussy.

M said it went a lot better than she had hoped for as well (perhaps I may have over warned her about Baby's high maintenance personality?). I was really afraid that I would walk in and M would tell me she couldn't handle her and i would have to find another provider. Luckily that didn't happen. We agreed that I would drop Baby off again next week for a couple of hours again. One step at a time.

Day Care

I put off searching for day care for the longest time since I was in denial about returning back to work and leaving Baby. However, I knew it had to be done, and the sooner the better since finding a good one takes work.

To begin my search, I started asking around to see what other people were doing with their children. A lot of people, I have found, have willing family members who want to take their kin during the work hours. Unfortunately, I don't have that option. Although my family is close, they all work part to full time jobs and don't want the responsibility of taking care of Baby as well. I can completely understand. Plus, it might be awkward if there was a rift over something that might happen while she was in their care. It's easier to find an outsider, then if I don't like the way he/she/the organization does something, I can fire them and find someone new with no residual feelings. That's my thinking, anyway.

My next thought was to look into getting a nanny. That way Baby would get someone's undivided attention, in her own home. I liked that idea. The person watching her would be able to bring Baby on little day trips, play with Baby's toys, and keep Baby in an environment that she was familiar with. Perhaps the nanny would even cook or clean. However, after looking down that avenue, I found that nanny's are way out of my budget.

The next option was a day care facility. This would be a licensed center where children are dropped off daily, follow some sort of schedule (for the most part, depending on age), and is usually attached to a school. A downside is that day care facilities aren't exactly cheap, and the ratio of teachers to infants is four infants to one adult. Four babies of the same age, all under the care of one person. That's like having quaduplets! I wasn't sure Baby would get the individual attention I was hoping for.

Well, I had heard many good things about a facility near me (on my way to work, actually), and called to see if I could check them out. Unfortunately, when I called they said they had a waiting list already. Thus, I would not be guaranteed a spot for Baby and would have to look elsewhere. I was very disappointed (even though I hadn't seen the place yet), because I had pretty much narrowed it down to that one facility. I mean, they teach baby sign there. How cool is that?

The final option for day care is an in home day care provider. I contacted my county and they helpfully gave me a list of providers near me. Of course I googled every single name listed to see what I could find. At the same time, I also sent out a facebook plea asking if anyone knew a quality day care provider. The word was passed along, and eventually I did receive some feedback.

I contacted a recommended provider and she said that she did indeed have openings and would love to answer any questions I had. Plus, I was welcome to stop by any time to check her out. The daycare provider (we'll call her M), was great to talk to on the phone and I looked forward to meeting her in person.

I checked out M's home and felt very at peace about it. She is a licensed provider and appeared to follow all the safety guidelines. I also watched the way she interacted with the children she had under her care and they all seemed to genuinely care for her as well. She was very comfortable to talk with and it seems like we share a similar philosophy on child raising. She is very nurturing and kindly disciplines if necessary (although Baby is too young for any disciplining now).

I filled out paperwork for her and arranged for Baby to go to her full time once I go back to work. We've also agreed to slowly start transitioning Baby into being away from me. That way it will be easier on all of us when I am back to work full time. So far Baby and I have gone over and hung out a little at a time together. Next Tuesday Baby will go for a couple hours on her own. I hope she does ok.

Baby is still refusing a bottle (we've switched to a sippy cup that I found for four months and up- she likes to play with it), and now has severe separation anxiety. If I leave her, even for a little bit (I left her for a little under an hour with my dad today), she will cry her little eyes out. M has been warned and has actually been great about helping come up with solutions. She was the one who suggested I start bringing Baby by a little at a time before I go back full time.

I'm dreading the day I have to go back to work, but at least I know Baby will be in good hands.