Sunday, January 2, 2011

Anxiety

I have never felt as much anxiety in my life as I do now.  Having a baby means taking on tons of extra responsibilities and actually worrying about circumstances beyond my control (and I'm used to being in control!).   


When I was pregnant, I was worried about what was going on inside of me.  Was the baby okay?  Were there any defects?  Was she going to come out with all ten fingers and toes?  How would I even know if the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck?  I thought my anxiety would get better once she was out and I could see her. 

Boy, was I wrong. 

When she was a newborn we had to worry about SIDS (and this is shoved in every new mom's face, let me tell you.  It's in every parenting book, newsletter, magazine, you name it.  I don't think I'd ever heard of SIDS before I had a baby).  This one really affected Husband, too.  We made sure she was put to sleep on her back.  She didn't have anything in her crib that could suffocate her.  We checked on her every ten minutes to make sure she was still breathing.

When she was started to become mobile we baby proofed what we could so we didn't have to worry about her finding cleaning supplies or electrocuting herself.  We moved the coffee table out of the living room so she wouldn't bump her head against it.  We made sure her toys were appropriate and not too old.

Now that Baby is walking (yup, we made it to walking!), we worry about her falling over and hurting herself.  We have hardwood floors, so it's even scarier to watch her plop down.  She's gotten pretty good about not hitting her head, though.  We also worry about her finding something she shouldn't and eating it.  Or getting scratched/bitten by the cats.

I also have seriously irrational worries that have been plaguing me.  I know they sound silly, but they've been in the back of my mind.      

What if Baby is bitten by a spider (maybe a black widow!) in the middle of the night?  How would I know?

I'm paranoid when driving.  I think I might get hit and Baby will be crushed or stuck hanging upside down in her carseat (I know, that one's extreme). 

What if an earthquake happens and she's stuck under something?

What is she swallows something and I don't notice?

How do I really know she doesn't have some type of disability?  With the rise of autism, when do I know if Baby is showing any signs?

And on and on.

This job of motherhood is pretty worrisome.  I know there are things out of my control and I need to just do that best I can and let God take care of whatever is going to happen.  In the meantime, I wouldn't be a mom if I didn't worry, right?   

2 comments:

  1. I was never afraid of bridges until I had Parker. Then I started wondering what would happen if we crashed in the water. How would I save both of us. It got worse when I had Bubba because then I wondered how I would ever be able to pick which child to save if we went off a bridge. And then I had Makai and I just had to let my fears go because I knew there was no possible way I was going to be able to save all of us. :0) But putting it in God's hands wasn't easy.

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  2. geez woman! calm down! :)

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