Last Birthday as a Non-Mom

August 31, 2009,
Happy Birthday to me! It's weird to think that next year I will have my own six-month old child. I went to the beach this past weekend and purposefully wore a bikini so I could show off my tiny baby bump. People said I didn't even look pregnant, just like I had eaten a big lunch or something.

My stomach is growing, but it's growing up, not out. That's what the doctor said would happen, though. It helps if I want to hide it, but not if I want people to notice. Husband says I don't make any sense. But at work, I don't want people to notice. It's everyone else I want the attention from. Is that too much to ask? The best part about being pregnant is the attention you get from everyone, and it's an instant conversation piece. There are a million questions people can ask and discuss. The attention helps counteract the negatives (nausea, vomiting, body aches, irritability, fatigue, etc.).

Yes, I've been irritable lately. I remember when one of my best girlfriends was pregnant and she was easily annoyed. I didn't understand at the time, but I totally get it now. I don't quite understand it, but little things can make me angry or upset. Usually I'm a pretty mild person, so now with being pregnant I think I am turning into a normal "girl." Although I haven't burst into random tears, sometimes I can almost feel them. It will happen any day now, don't worry.

I can't wait to feel the baby move! Since I haven't had any appointments lately, I'm feeling kind of worried. I want to make sure that something is still alive and kicking in there! I heard a story about a friend of a friend whose baby's heart just stopped beating at about fourteen weeks. That scared me. She was taking some type of thyroid medicine, though, and they think that may have affected it. I will feel better after my ultrasound next week. Being pregnant really plays with my emotions! How will I ever be with a real child that's no longer attached to me?