Words Cannot Describe

July 25, 2009
I had to adjust to a regular schedule this past week. I had to go in to a work training Monday through Thursday from 8-4. I was dreading it, because of the nausea and bathroom breaks, but I think it worked out ok. Every morning I would wake up, eat breakfast, get ready, and drive to the training. There was a ton of food, so I was able to munch on donuts and fruit in the morning, eat whatever was provided for lunch, and then indulge in carbs such as chips or cookies, or more fruits or vegetables in afternoons. I read that having a full stomach helps with nausea. I'm really not sure if it helped or not. I do know I wasn't hungry this past week!

I had to use the restroom pretty much every hour or so, but it wasn't a major issue. I am concerned with bathroom breaks once school starts up again. It's not really possible to leave the children every hour, so I will have to figure out a way to fix the situation. I also felt pretty well most days, in regards to nausea. It seems to have gotten better, and now doesn't hit me until the afternoon/evening time. A couple times during the day I would feel a wave of it wash over me, but I would sit there and ride it out. I only had to throw up before leaving one afternoon. That was after attempting to munch on a carrot.

Monday night was the worst. I came home and crawled into bed, the nausea was so intense. It felt like I had started experiencing morning sickness all over again for the first time, like it had been the first week. It was awful. The rest of the week wasn't as intense, although I did have to pull over to the side of the road on the way home either Tuesday or Wednesday. I don't remember exactly which day. Pretty much every day I would head home, maybe stop and do an errand or visit family (My brother washed my car for me one of the days- he's so sweet!) then attempt to eat something and take a nap when I got home. I would lay in bed for a while, then maybe eat some more, and go to bed for the night. For information on how the nights are, please read my last blog.

I feel bad that husband only gets to see me when I am nauseated, and I can't really do anything. He would love to be able to go out to dinner, or just go out when he gets home from work, but I really don't feel up for it because I am focusing too much on keeping everything in my stomach. I feel that if I go anywhere, I will throw up in the car, or be so distracted by not feeling well, it's not even worth it.

I've been asked what it feels like, so I was trying to come up with analogies to compare to how I feel. Hopefully this will get the picture across:

I feel like I was on the Tea Cup Ride at Disneyland for hours and hours and hours...

You know when you sit in the backseat of a car for a long journey through treacherous, windy roads for hours on end with a scary driver and you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach....

Having a stomach flu, for weeks on end, with no possibility of relief through medication.

Wanting to feel normal again, but knowing that no matter what you do, you're stomach is still going to revolt.

Fear of going into restaurants or places that have strong smells, because you might throw up and everyone would stare at you and get grossed out.

Grossing yourself out and remembering the images every time you throw up. I have a mental library of what different foods look like in reverse. Ew.

For some, the sight of blood, or seeing someone else throw up, or watching a major surgery and not being able to turn away.

I think those are some pretty good analogies. Maybe now you'll get a better picture of how I am feeling.

I have another doctor's appointment on Tuesday. Hopefully all will be well.