Misery

June 22-30, 2009
I told my husband that this the only child we are ever having. We can adopt the next one. How do women do this? I am so sick! I wake up and eat a few Saltines before getting out of bed, get up and take a shower, maybe throw up, eat a small breakfast, feel sick, take a nap, feel sick, eat a small snack like a banana or something, feel sick, curl up on the couch and try to ignore my misery with HGTV, feel sick, eat a sandwich, feel a little better, oh, never mind, feel sick again, maybe throw up, wait for my husband to get home, he cooks dinner and I throw up (without even taking a bite!), feel a little better, suck on some peppermints and eat some more Saltines, then go to bed to do it all over again the next day.

I changed my mind. Where's the escape button? Seriously, I can't do anything! The house is a mess, I'm supposed to start work soon (I got a new job and move into my new classroom tomorrow), and I'm afraid I won't be able to do my best. Well, at least the kids will start the beginning of August, which should be the end of all this. Can I last through July???

Next appointment is July second. I have an ultrasound scheduled. If all looks well, we are going to tell the world! (Well, except my new job. I'm gonna try and hide it for as long as I can!)

All Day Sickness

June 21, 2009
Morning sickness has kicked in. Forget ginger ale. This morning, father's day, I threw up for the first time. Very yucky. I hate throw up, and I hate it when it comes out of me. I packed some Saltines in my purse and off to church we went.

After church we had planned a lunch with my family and I was worried it would make me sick. Surprisingly, it smelled delicious and tasted great, too. I felt ok during lunchtime.

After lunch we had agreed to pick up some friends from the airport. I was starting to feel queasy again. They semi-invited us to dinner with them, and to their disappointment we declined. We didn't want to tell them our news just yet. We are waiting to tell friends until after my next ultrasound when we make sure everything is ok.

Anyway, I went home and threw up. A lot.

Ginger Everything

June 19, 2009
Up until this point, I hadn't experienced any pregnancy symptoms (besides feeling fat). I had more energy then normal and felt really good about myself. I can do this!

However, this morning I woke up feeling a little sick to my stomach. I went to the store and bought everything with ginger I could think of: ginger ale, gingersnaps, and contemplated ginger root but I wouldn't know what to do with it. I also picked up some Saltines,

Ginger ale seemed to do the trick pretty well. I had never had gingersnaps before, but they are gross! I told my husband he could eat them all.

Normalcy

June 18, 2009
I called the lab to get my results of the blood test. This time they were 23,895 and this is normal for one baby. Looks like everything is going as it is supposed to.

More Waiting

June 17, 2009
A doctor had called me yesterday, but she wasn't very helpful. She just said everything looked normal. I would wait to talk to the nice doctor who I saw first. She seemed more understanding.

Back to the hospital for more lab work. Again, a nurse who knew what she was doing when she drew my blood. She even told me I looked exactly like another nurse who worked in the hospital. I do get that a lot. I think I have one of those faces. "Nope, not me," I told her.

Now more waiting and worrying.

More HcG Levels

June 15, 2009
I met my husband at his work for lunch and we talked about possible scenarios. I had been doing my research on HCG levels. They are supposed to double every 1-3 days. If I was 25 on Thursday, Sunday I should be somewhere around 200. We prayed that everything was going normally.

Later that afternoon I called to get my results. 8,886. They did a little more than double! The advice nurse told me I would have to talk to the doctor to get any answers to my questions, and she would leave her a message.

Of course, I Googled everything I could. I couldn't find anything on having low levels, then having high levels. There were mentions of having multiple babies if your HCG levels are very high. Twins?? That would be cool! Twins don't run on either side of the family, but it could totally happen. How would that work in our life? I'd always dreamed of having twins, but never thought it possible. Something else for me to worry about!

Waiting

June 14, 2009
We went to church in the morning where I cried all through the music and hightailed it out of there after the service was over so no one would see me. I was really worried about our baby. I wanted it to be real, and to be OK.

We went back to the hospital lab and had my blood drawn again. This time the nurse was fabulous and did it very quickly with no bruising. Now to await my results.

HCG Levels

June 12, 2009
The doctor called me bright and early to let me know the results of my blood test. She said my HCG level was 25, which is really low. She said we would just have to wait and see what the other tests showed to make sure it is not a chemical pregnancy (basically a miscarriage).

Great, now I'm worried.

Happy Birthday, Husband!

June 11, 2009
Appointment Day! Husband wanted to sleep in since he had taken the day off of work, but baby had other plans. We went to the hospital and waited in the waiting room. I think we were both nervous about what was to come.

My name was finally called and the nurse took my weight and blood pressure and asked me a few questions. Then we were led to the little room where I had to change into the lovely hospital robe and wait for the doctor.

The doctor came and we both liked her right away. She asked a bunch of health questions and brought in the ultrasound machine. She told me I was only four weeks and four days, and not to expect too much. She fiddled with the machine, but couldn't get it to work. While I was lying on the bed in that most comfortable position, she called in a couple people to help her get it to work. I guess privacy goes out the window once you are pregnant. Eventually they figured out how to turn it on.

She discovered right away why I was having the cramps. I had a giant corpus luteum cyst on my left side. Bigger than my uterus! She said it was pretty normal. Some women get them and some don't, and they are not quite sure why. She said it should go away in time. She also told me I was definitely pregnant and that my endometrium lining looked good. This explained my belly bulge lately. Then she hunted around some more and found a little dark spot. That was our baby! She printed us a picture (my husband was happy because it had his birth date printed on it) and sent me to the lab to get my blood drawn. She wanted to check my HCG levels (that's the pregnancy hormone) over the next few days.

We found the lab and my number was called to get my blood drawn. The young nurse told me to choose an arm to draw from. She put the needle in and nothing happened. No blood. So she started moving it around to try and find the vein. After hearing me say "ow" about ten times, she withdrew the needle and tried the other arm. This time, success. However, I had a severely bruised arm for a week!

After that my husband and I decided to go to Borders to find books for our family members (remember how I wanted to tell them?). He wanted to tell everyone right away. We had planned on his siblings coming over for a birthday dinner, so why not invite my family as well? We had a perfect cover. Surprisingly, my family said they could all make it, even at the last minute.

At Borders we had fun choosing books that would be meaningful for everyone. My dad works on the railroad, so we chose The Little Engine That Could. His sister loves dogs, so we chose The Poky Little Puppy, and so on. My husband's parents live in different states, so we went to the post office to overnight their books. He wanted everyone to find out around the same time. We were excited to tell everyone!

That evening I made my husband's favorite dish to share with the present family. We had fun talking and hanging out. Then he opened presents and we hung out some more. Finally I brought out the books and passed them out to everyone. We told them to read the inscription we had written on the inside cover. It said something like, "Dear Aunt/Uncle/Grandma/Grandpa, Here's a book for you to read to your new niece/nephew/grandbaby." I think his brother read it first and looked at me with wide eyes. "Are you...?" I nodded and smiled. My mother figured it out around the same time. Everyone was rather speechless. It was a memorable experience.

Test Results

June 10, 2009
I am definitely getting a little chubbier, and this seems like more than just pre-period bloat. I mean, I'm having a hard time wearing my normal clothes. I guess it's all the Starbucks and soda I am drinking nonstop. I need to go on a diet. (I even told my friends the other day that I was going on a diet.)

Today is also the day before my husband's birthday. Wouldn't it be cool if I was pregnant and told him as his birthday present? I went to the store and bought some more tests. These are the early ones that can tell you up to five days before your missed period. I took a test and right away the little stick came up with two lines. OK, what does that mean again? It means PREGNANT!! I had to tell myself to breathe. I couldn't help smiling at myself in the mirror. I was going to be a mommy!

What was I supposed to do now? Oh yeah, the test said to call the doctor's office and schedule an appointment. I called the hospital and said something to the effect of ,"I just took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. I'm not sure what to do now." Apparantly that didn't sound right to the nurse on the phone, because she asked if I wanted to discuss my options. My options? I thought I got an appointment! After some clarification, we discussed how I was feeling (lots of cramps on one side), and decided it was best if I come in the next day to make sure it wasn't ectopic since I was having the cramps on only one side. Sure, I'll come in.

I had discussed with my husband how I wanted to break the news to all our family. I wanted to get everyone their own children's book to read to his or her new grandbaby/niece/nephew. Before my husband came home from work I found his favorite children's book and wrapped it up neatly. I stuck a little note to it telling him I hoped he could figure out what this meant. I couldn't wait for him to get home so I could give it to him.

He came home from work and I pounced on him with his gift. I told him since it was his birthday the next day, he had to open an early present the night before, like Christmas Eve. Since he could clearly see that I was excited, he agreed and I handed him the package. He opened it and I started crying (a symptom!). He told me Congratulations (although I was confused on this, I mean it's both of ours), and we hugged and talked. Then I told him the baby was already taking over his life because we had to go to the hospital on his birthday. We had originally planned to go to the city or an amusement park, but plans change.

No Babies for Me!

June 8, 2009
I have never really been a baby kind of person. I love other people's babies, I just never really wanted my own. I mean, they totally change your way of life. No more going out whenever you want, instead you must arrange for childcare or drag with kid along with you. No more coming home from work to relax and take a nap, instead you have this needy creature sucking out your la st bit of energy. And forget sleeping at night. Your life, as you know it, is ruined. And I do apologize if I have offended anyone with the above statements. That is truly how I felt.

Well, I was laid off from my teaching job in March. After that devastating news (teaching was my life!) and with a new perspective on life and what it means to live, my husband and I decided we would stop "not trying" for a baby. This is a very technical issue, let me tell you. There is a difference between trying and not "not trying." We thought we might put it in God's hands and let him figure out the timing, but we were not going to take any extra steps and fall into that crazy we-are-trying-for-a-baby category. But, there was still a chance we might end up with one.

This was a huge step for me. My husband has been open to this idea for quite a while now, but it's taken me some time to warm up to it. After seeing some of my friends have babies and actually still have a life, it helped me to put things in to perspective. I mean, women have babies every day. Why not me?

June 8, 2009 I decided to take a pregnancy test. I felt a little different, and thought, maybe? At this point in time I was getting excited. I could be pregnant! Well, it was negative. Maybe I was just going crazy.